Saturday, December 18, 2010

It must have been a single guy

Seriously, who came up with the traditional poses for the members of the nativity scene?

Wasn't a woman I'll tell you that much. At least not a woman who has ever given birth to a child.

If one of us had posed the characters, there is no way Mary would be kneeling like that. She wouldn't have that peaceful relaxed smile on her face. She wouldn't have her arms up in the air as if she'd just been surprised by someone.


She'd be lying on her back, eyes half open, face puffy, mouth hanging open, almost too tired to smile. That's how she'd look.

That's probably how she did look.

Joseph? Kneeling, hand on his chest, looking down admiringly at the baby?


He wouldn't even be there. He'd be out picking up a hamburger for Mary who hadn't eaten all night. And if he happened to make it back in time for the photo shoot, he'd just be sitting there looking really tired and awkward. After a night of helping his wife deliver a baby he'd be worn out. He'd still be a little leery about what to say. --Men never know what to say when the wife's in labor. Besides Mary was probably still upset that he didn't demand they give her a room at the hotel. Joseph was prolly on thin ice.

And ya know what piece everyone leaves out?

The cup of ice chips.

I'm convinced it's impossible to deliver a baby without ice chips.

The stable?


I'm pretty sure Mary did NOT deliver her first baby in a stable with only three walls. With your first one, privacy and modesty are still very important things. Had this been Mary's second or third kid, I could maybe see it happening, but not with the first.

I think I might design and start producing "The REAL Nativity Set."

Email I'll put you on the waiting list.

Funny Girls


Allison's eyes widen with her new found discovery. She looks up at her mom and declares:

"Mary had a little lamb and Baby Jesus."

Emily, my sis, was explaining to Ava how she and Claire were going to be in a live nativity.

"...and you girls will get to be angels or shepherds...".

Ava looks up and thoughtfully says, "...and Daddy will be a wise man."

Friday, December 17, 2010

Moving week

Where to begin...

Well, we moved again.

I don't know what we were thinking. At this point it doesn't make since. It seemed like a good idea a week and a half ago when we were discussing the possibility. When we had our third child it qualified us for a four bedroom house (on the base). But we didn't see the point in moving for what we thought would be 7 months more living in Abilene. Our PCS (moving) date changed when the doc in San Antonio disqualified Mike from pilot training based on his eyesight.

Then we've decided that since we aren't moving in Feb. that we would have my sis come out and live with us while working on her first year of college.

So that's why we decided an extra bedroom would be a really good thing.

Well. There is only one unoccupied four bedroom house (for officers) in the whole base. People PCS (move) over the holidays so we thought we needed to move asap or the house would be gone.

Friday night we started moving. The new house is on our same street, two houses down from our other one.

Mom and dad drove out, brought the crew and worked like dogs for 10-12 hours. We got most of it done.

Most of it. Do you know what most of it means?

It means there is still stuff to be done.

Stuff to be done. PLUS three small completely unuseful children.

= Impossible to do the stuff that needs to be done.

So for the last four days I've been trying to get the rest of the stuff out of the old house, set up camp here at the new house, keep the children in their clothes, food in their bellies and bottoms clean.


clean the old house.

Clean the old house. No big deal right? Not for someone experienced like me, who spends an average of 5 hours a day cleaning.

Nope, wrong. BIG DEAL.

After working for three days we had the inspection this morning.

Keep in mind this is not our first rodeo. This is the fourth time we've cleaned a house on base after living there. Each time passing without much trouble at all.



I've never seen anyone so anal.

When he walked up he looked at a ping-pong ball size spot of paint on the driveway and told us we needed to power-wash it.

Fail. Right there.

Next to the kitchen where problems were found.

While I was in there listening and watching the three men (one of whom was in training) scrutinize my work, I look back and see the boys drawing with chalk on the driveway.

Where did they find the chalk? Who knows. I thought I'd put it all away when I washed the driveway last night. You can't have chalk on the driveway for the inspection.

I take it away. Go back inside.

They are busy writing away.

I look back out and Ty is walking into the house, a track of muddy footprints behind him.

I shake my head. It feels a little lighter than normal. My brain is foggy from the 4 nights of staying up late cleaning. One night I was working till 3:30.

I take Ty out. Mud still on shoes and floor. I walked back inside. Jaw clenched a little. When will this nightmare end.

The guys are still in the kitchen. Wow. How long is this going to take?

Finally they moved to the dining room. Redo the blinds. "It will be easy. Just wipe them down."

That's a load of crap. I know cause I'd already done it once and it wasn't easy. Nothing is easy with three kids.

They don't have any idea.

He wrote down a page and a half of things we needed to correct. Just wipe up these spots here. With a rag. -I'd already scrubbed those cabinets. The blinds I cleaned? 9 out of 10 of them failed. He told me to go ahead and reclean all of the three bathrooms. When I asked him specifically what his reply was: "The toilet in the master bathroom, you can leave that. But redo everything else." I think they found a little grease on the side of the stove. I looked. Didn't see it. Scuff marks on doors. Light bulbs out. -I'd changed all of them. Reclean all the light fixtures.

You've got to be kidding me.

I lost it. The poor man felt bad, but what could he do? He seemed sorry that I couldn't accomplish the nearly impossible standards they have in place. He was sorry my children were messy and drove me crazy. He was sorry Mike worked lots of hours.

A week of busting my rear, way less sleep than normal, two houses to get in order... the children...

I came home and cried for a hour.

Now I'm going to nap.

Next time I'm going to remember that I can't do all the things I think I can do because I am already maxed out.

And if I forget.... ya'll remind me.