From the Mouths of Babes

Like I said a couple posts ago, I've got a couple more people around here (all the time) now...

And, I'll be real with ya'll for a moment. 

It's throwing off my groove.

This happens every time Mike gets back from deployment. 

sigh...

I'm used to being the boss.  I've got my schedule, my way of doing things and then next thing you know somebody who out ranks me gets transferred back home and... it's just... it's just hard.

It's hard to give up my way.

One moment you think you're soooo selfless.  You watch the kids alone, for months on end.  You keep the home fires burning.  You patch up knees and hold the bowl while a little one throws up. 

As far as giving of yourself goes, you are pretty much on the same level as Mother Teresa and Angelina Jolie.  The song "I Give You my All" could have been written with you in mind.  Come to think of it, it probably was. 

Service is your thing.  No one gives like you give. 

You think this is the end of the story until one morning you wake up, trip over a pair of size 10 sneakers and everything hits the fan.  "WHY ARE THESE HERE!?!?"  or maybe  "CAN NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!"   You're instantly in a bad mood that could potentially last for days.  The most random things upset you.  It's not plesant.

"If Mama ain't happy, nobodies happy."  And that's where we've been.

That's where I've been.

It's not pretty.  I've been easily irritated and just plain rude.  I'll say something and then think, "Why did I just say that?  That was so rude."

It's pathetic really.

You realized just how bad it's gotten when you have a conversation with your child that goes like this:


Setting:  Dad is driving in the Ozarks and decides to switch the van into a lower gear.


Ty:  "Mom, What's a gear?"

Me:  "It's a... how fast the engine goes in a car, or something like that.  The lower gears are better for driving in hills and when you drive slow. (pause)  Ty, one day you will probably know more about it then I do, then you can teach me."

Ty:  "But Mom, you will be in heaven by then."

Mike and I chuckle at how old he must think we are about the same time as Jack leans over and whispers to Ty: 


"Or she could be in hell."

Return date: April 1

Tell me, what could have been more perfect than this? Mike arriving home on April fools day which happens to be my second favorite holiday. I just couldn't let this opportunity pass by:

Can you tell what his reaction to the news was?

I miss you most when...

I'd like a nap instead of drive the long trip home.
I sleep diagonally across the bed.
the boys need to be wrestled.
chick flicks are on TV.
I see a child getting a ride on their daddy's shoulders.
the kids are asleep and the house is quiet.

friends invite us over for dinner.

I'm sitting in the sanctuary at church.
I need a jar opened.
Austin's eyes (identical to yours) smile up at me.
the boys want to play baseball.
Alaska Gold Rush is on.
the neighbors come over to lock up the house for the night.
my back hurts.
Jack counts down the days till you get home.
I see pictures of the beach.
I see our dirty garage.
we eat spaghetti.
I'm tired of disciplining.
when the moon is out
...or the sun is shining.

Faithful to me.

Friends.

You are all so sweet.

I want you to know that although our status was accurate, we are doing spectacularly well.

I did not intend for my last post to sound whiny, but humorous.

And everyone who reads this blog knows that disaster = humor.

So please. Don't cry for me.

Sarah, I am not saying that I wouldn't love for you to come sit for me. I am not saying that at all. I wasn't implying it and am in no way refusing your offer.

Not at all.

But seriously, we are so blessed by our loving and generous heavenly Father.

He is meeting all of our needs.
He is sustaining our emotional need (as we miss Mike).
He is meeting our physical needs --through many of you.
He is meeting our spiritual needs.
He is all we need.

And He is faithful.

I'm so grateful for the way I get to see
God's provision in our lives through the way YOU love our family:

Shellye and John having us over for dinner.
Lindsay offering to get groceries for us.
Chris and Sarah checking on us via the phone.
Jack S. shoveling our driveway.
Ashten calling, offering anything weneed.
Grandma calling to make sure we were keeping warm.
People offering lattes :-)
People offering espresso machines!!!!
Belinda praying for us.
Amanda calling me out/encouraging me.
Anissa inviting us in to her home.
Lacey and Matt having us over for dinner.
Bridget and Lacey coming over for tea and a game.
Stan and about 15 other people informing us that our email had been hacked.
Pretty much all my family calling to check on us/visit.
Sweet words from so many of you.
Kerry begging us to not drive on the ice.
Mike on skype --pretty much all the time. (It is easier to get ahold of him now than it was when he was in the country.)

And there is more...

God is so good. I am so thankful.

And just so ya'll know, the pipes have thawed, the laundry is put away and the rash is almost gone!

He loves me.

Mike loves me.

He knows me.

He sent me a card from the desert or dessert, whichever one means the faraway place with lots of sand in it. I've never known how to spell it. I've tried to learn several times but have not been successful enough to be able to retain it through 3+ pregnancies.

Anyway.

He asks me on the phone, "Do you want me to order you some roses for Valentine's day?"

translation:

(I'm pretty sure she would rather use the money on something else, but I'm not about to be the lame guy who doesn't acknowledge [to his spectacular and deserving wife] that it's Valentine's day.)

Me: "Nope, can we use the money to go on a date when you get back?"

Mike's thoughts: "I knew she would want to go out with me instead. She digs me."

Me: "Alright, well lets say we have $80 in the budget for a special date." He probably would only have spent $40 on the flowers, but in time with the accrued interest we'll call it $80.

New topic.

See how sweet he is?

Then the other day I started looking at this super nice ridiculous priced espresso maker on craigslist. I told Mike about it, hoping he'd bring me back down to reality and tell me it was probably something that wasn't necessary. I ask him if he thinks I'm crazy for considering this purchase. His answer?

"No, I don't think you are crazy. It sounds like an ok idea. You should think about getting it."

Sweet guy.

I email the lady.

She never responds back. I'm sort of glad and sort of disappointed. I tell Mike that she didn't email me back and now the post is expired. He tells me he is going to buy me a new one --which happens to be five times the "gently used" price. I talk him out of it. I told him I would be so embarrassed if my friends ever knew how much that thing cost. He reluctantly backs down.

I'm so blessed by how much he loves me and by how compassionate he is toward me. He has never been anything but supportive when I consider spending money on myself. He even requests it during deployments.

I'm looking up compassionate cause I'm curious if I'm using the word correctly. Turns out, I sort of am.

Webster says:
sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.
I don't think I'm ever really in distress. If you change that word to "discomfort" then it fits.

He's pretty much the best husband ever.

I miss him.

One month down, three to go.

Deployment #4

Wow.

I wasn't expecting this.

This goodbye was much like the first one.

We are getting so good at "goodbyes" that I was expecting a smooth transition --internally.

Not so.

And I think I know why this one has been as rough as the first, both took place during pregnancies.

I've got a lump in my throat and tears trying hard to burst forth.

I don't even know why... I mean, I do know why, but I usually don't react this way.

The last two days have been exhausting. One might think that the last 48 before your love leaves would be wonderful and special. You stay up as late as possible, anything to not let it end. You know, like on the movies (Pearl Harbor comes to mind.) Not so.

The last couple days you fake it. You act like everything is happy and fun. You force a laugh at even the lamest of jokes. You are positive. You are brave. You are carefree.

But you really aren't.

You've got a deployment staring you in the face. A dangerous mission. Questions about the future that haven't even come up. You just know they are there. How will this one go? The start of every deployment is the abrupt end of one chapter of life and the forced start of another.

Yet you have to be happy.

I don't like being a fake. It's so tiring. I think I may have made myself sick. My stomach has been really weird for about 6 days now. I haven't eaten much cause almost every time I do eat I regret it.

So here I am, recouping.

Lying in bed.

I haven't done a thing today.

A dear friend came and spent the day with me. What a blessing. Hannah, my sis, got here at noon. She will be spending some or all of the deployment here with me. I can't even tell you how much this will help me. She's so good with the boys and like all of my siblings, she is a hard worker. I'm so blessed that my parents have taught all of us how to work. I can always look forward to and enjoy when they come to visit because I know none of them will be a burden.

But I'm still down today. It's irritating. I want to jump in with both feet and get moving on this new chapter. I think I'll title it: "The Deployment I had a wife."

I want to be joyful and strong and brave and all those other good things. I want them to characterize me, even in tough times.

I don't see any advantage to sitting around being glum. But I'm not sure if I need to let myself mourn or force myself to jump right up and get to doing things. Then there's the whole pregnancy factor, how does that or even does that change anything?

I'm hoping that very soon, maybe even tomorrow, I will feel ready to go. Ready to live life. I can't just sit out till this one's over, other wise I will spend half my life of the bench.

B-1 guys are back

This is what we do.

We don't know why we do it.

But we do it.

We do it alone but we do it alone together.

This deployment there are about 4 of us who have really bonded with each other.

All of us needing companionship since we were without husbands.

Today we welcomed the last two back home.

You want to help us?

Please pray for our families.

The military places huge strains on marriages, on children and on Mom's sanity.

It took a month before I felt like Mike and I were reconected mentally.

It is a hard adjustment.

Ty is still having issues as a result of the deployment.

Pray for communication, for the dad's to feel a part of the family, for children to show love to their dad. For the men as they have just come back from a war zone and have seen things that are unsettleing. Pray for sleep. Pray for peace in the home as Satan would like nothing more than to tear up our families.

Thank you.

Crunch time

No, I'm not talking about the cereal. I'm talking about how I need to get off my rear and make my house spotless for my war hero.

For some reason I have been satisfied with cluttered closets and a dirty garage. Usually I like to keep things organized. I'm not psycho about it, but I like to be able to find things when I look for them. Ugg.... I'm just not motivated right now. The garage: it must get done. Period. So I need to just buckle down and do it. Anyone want to come over and "fellowship" on Tuesday during MDO? We'll hang out in the garage.

It's getting SO close. My husband/best friend/backrubber/kid wrestler/companion/dish washer/comedian/helper/lover is coming back to me.

I can hardly stand it I'm so excited.

I'm more excited than I have been after any other deployment.

After having 4 1/2 months of the single life where you can come and go as you please without considering or consulting anyone else, it is a small bummer to have to change that. But I don't even care this time. I know I am going to have so much fun hanging out with him when he gets back that I don't care if I do have to have some sort of plan for supper or make sure I come home every night or put some restrictions on my "open door policy" with my friends. It will be fine.

In fact, I think it will be great.

I'm so excited.

You people who have husbands who are around all the time, as wonderful as that is, you don't get to experience the JOY I get to experience when my husband comes home to me.

Now that it is normal for me to live more of my life with him gone than with him home, the 3 1/2 months he is home are so wonderful. God has been (and hopefully will continue) refining us. The time away from each other is time that we can learn more and more to rely on God, to love God, to trust God.

The deeper out love for God, the deeper our love for each other.

God is love.

We learn how God loves us which means we have learned how to love others which means we love each other more.

It's beautiful.

It's perfect.

The roads God takes us down in order to teach us are roads that I would never have taken on my own. I'm so glad God is god. I don't think I would love and appreciate Mike this much if God hadn't taken him away so that I had no other "lover" than himself.

It's beautiful.

AND IT'S FINALLY ALMOST OVER!

that's the best part. Now I get 2 months of him all to myself (then he leaves again...).

I can't post on here the date and time that he will be arriving, but if you call me I can tell you if you promise not to tell the bad guys. Isn't that right Mike? If not, tell me quick. Maybe I'll have to talk in code if we are on the phone. In person I can tell you I think....

Please keep praying for a safe return for our men and women. We've got another week and a half ish.

Commander's Corner

This was printed in our squadron newsletter that goes out every month. Maybe some of you are interested in hearing what kindof feedback we spouses get from the desert. Look near the bottom for Mike's name! :-)

Commander's Corner

Hello again from the desert! Our string of comfortable weather has ended and the heat is on! We’ve been hitting at or near 100-degrees for the past couple of weeks now. From what I hear, you all at home are also ‘enjoying’ some warmth!
We are still doing VERY well – happy to be past the half-way point in our deployment. The day we all get to come home and see you all is closer now than the day we left back in Feb. That’s a good thing! No word yet on our departure plans – it is still a bit early out to have any specifics. The squadron there will let you know when things are firmed up.
We continue to be the major mover of passengers and their stuff here in this part of the world – we’re keeping people safe by keeping them off of dangerous roads.
And, the hard work our folks are doing is being recognized out here - congrats to our 737th EAS

April monthly award winners:

Amn – A1C Alexander Alvarez

– also the Expeditionary Operations Group Winner!

NCO – SSgt Bill Moody

SNCO – MSgt Sean Cope

– also the Expeditionary Operations Group Winner!

CGO – 1Lt Kye Stepp

Copilot – Capt Geoff Guerra

Navigator – 1Lt Mike Ellis

Flight Engineer – TSgt Joe Holloway

Loadmaster – TSgt Chris Minnifield

Crew – Capt Jeff Brown’s Crew

Team – Capt Andy Gillis’ crew

– also the Expeditionary Operations Group Winner!

In the spirit of more good news, Lt James Mockalis was the Air Expeditionary Wing's Company Grade Officer of the month for April, having been nominated for his work in the Expeditionary OSS.
There is plenty to be proud of as we enter the home stretch on this deployment!
Take care and stay cool!

Respectfully,
Buff Burkel

Ahh! Sleep!

I feel better, just woke up from a nap. Ty could work for a hotel, being the "Wake-up call guy." He is so good at it. I would write him a letter of recommendation if he ever asked.

I have been so blessed yesterday and today by friends and family that have asked me how I was doing. Lots of you. For the rest that haven't asked asked but wonder:

I'm doing great. The last two days have been much like any other day. With the exception of having to carry more of a work load.

We are missing Mike's presence, but also missing the presence of

ANXIETY,
FEAR,
DREAD,
SELF-PITY and
LONELINESS.

They have been replaced by peace and contentment.

Before the last deployment, I did everything but rejoice. This time I have been able to look beyond myself and find the exit door at the pity party. I'm glad I left that place. It was lame!

I learned -through experience, I hate to say, how God really does mean what he says. On several issues. See how I could have missed that really bad experience the last deployment if I had just believed and obey this passage below:

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,

with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

See what I mean? Easy enough. Could have saved me 5 months of feeling yucky. (Four while he was gone and the month prior to his leaving).

Hopefully I can remember this the lesson the whole time Mike's gone.

I will start posting more frequently because Mike really likes to see what's going on. It is easier for me to share details of life when I can scrounge up a few minutes. It seems like there is always something going on when Mike calls and I can't focus enough to tell him detailed stories of the day. (Mike, keep calling me, I will still try to drop everything, but sometimes I just have to multi-task.)

Ty has finally made it to my lap. This whole time I have been posting he as been on the floor whining. He is one of my projects during this deployment. It's time for him to start obeying and not being so clingy.

This post is getting too long so I'll ramble more later.

3 - 2 - 1 ... TAKEOFF!

Homecoming Day countdown has begun!

129ish days left till Mike get back.

His squadron left this morning with no delays, in fact 30 minutes early.

Mike and I had breakfast together, we considered it our Valentine's day date. It was nice. I am feeling much more at peace with our assignments this time around. Right now I can't even think straight. Maybe it's cause I've been up for so many hours. I am going to have to get on here tomorrow and try make some since out of the words floating around in my brain.

I guess you probably noticed my new blog layout. I decided to learn how to format my own blog and somehow put in the HTML to make it work. Thanks to a couple of step-by-step instructional webpages I made it work.

Enough for now. The boys will be up in 6 hours.

Deployment update

We are planning on 4 months.

New info has come down that they will need extra crews for the second half -the half Mike is supposed to be home for.

With most of the guys tasked with other things there are few options as to who to take....

We will be VERY surprised if Mike comes home at half-time.

Should know something tomorrow. Maybe.

Deployment

Yep, it's that time again.

It comes all too soon for the wife of a C-130 guy.

Deployment.

Mike is scheduled to leave on Saturaday, Feb. 14th.

Don't know the time, but just wanted to update all of you.

Mike is only supposed to be gone for two months. We'll see.

Your prayers will be appriciated for the next 2-4 months as Mike will be at war. I will be home, and hopefully not engaging in combat. Pray for Jack and Ty as they transition to Dad being gone. Jack understands more this time. He knows that Daddy has to go far away to fly the airplanes so Jared and Regina can come home. (That is why Jared and Regina had to go -so Daddy could come home.)

It will still be hard on him, whether he understands it or not.

I'll keep you posted.

-Bec

HOME!

About to leave the house to get Daddy

He's home! I was planning on meeting him w/o the boys, because it was so early, but right as I was walking out the door, Jack came down the stairs. I asked him if he wanted to come with me to get Daddy and he said "Go get Daddy?" So He came with me. He smiled when he saw his Dad and was not very shy. He walked to him and gave him a hug.

All of us.
Mike and Jack racing to the car.
Sarah Beth finding Tim for the first time. (Sarah is a good friend of mine. We have been waiting out the deployment together.)

Ty seeing Daddy. Mike was shocked to see how much Jack and Ty had changed.

Ty checking this new dude out.

They warmed up to each other after a few minutes.

Well, it's 9:15 and we have the day ahead of us. Not sure what's going to happen, except a nap. Ty kept me up most of the night. I think I slept 3 uninterupted hours -not consecutive.

Mike slept some on the plane. He stopped in Ireland and Bangor, ME before getting home. Jack is doing very well with Mike. He showed him all his cars and then they played "Rock'n Roll All Night." They are back to being buddies.

Nothing left to do but the park.

It's like we are dating

All you old married folks remember what it was like back in high school (or junior high for some of you) when you would talk on the phone with your boyfriend for hours?

I do, I used to talk for hours to this guy, Mike, that I dated. I shared a room with my older and later, my younger sister. It would get so late that I would get under the covers to be quieter so as not to annoy Emily (then Hannah). We would talk about all sorts of things, what we'd done that day, mutual friends, sports, what we wanted to name our kids one day... things like that.

I had such a conversation last night. But this time it was to a troop off at war. (How romantic is that?) We had mostly the same topics of conversation that we had back 10 years ago. We talked for 2 hours. That's right, two hours!

The boys were asleep. -This time we did not discuss what we would name our kids. I had just gotten into bed and all was quiet in the house. It was one of a handful of times since he's been deployed that I have gotten to talk as long as I wanted to without being interupted. It was so nice.

Here are some things we got ironed out:

-Where we will eat during our date to Dallas when Mom and Dad have the boys: Cheesecake Factory

-We will be throwing a Christmas party

-I am not going to tell Jack that Daddy is coming home until the day off his arrival

-What to do about the termites that visited the old house: kill them...

I thought my list was longer than that... I guess we didn't get as much accomplished as I thought.

But really, we did accomplish a lot. Communication is a vital part of any relationship, especially marriage. Without it, your relationship tends to fade. We haven't had the opportunity to converse much these last 4 months, so it was good to catch up. I am looking forward to all the new 'inside jokes' that will appear in the following weeks as we spend lots of time with each other.