Thursday, January 6, 2011


Some people are hard to live by.

Take Lacey for example:

Her oh-so-comfortable looking outdoor furniture is always positioned perfectly on her front porch. I call it furniture because, unlike mine, her chairs don't fold up. My chairs are consistently cock eyed. Maybe people think I do it on purpose, ya know, like modern art... I doubt it though. They've seen the rest of my yard.

Last night before coming in to bed I picked up 7 hot wheels car and a monster truck, put the stroller in the garage, kicked a rake into the flower bed --I thought it would be less noticeable, and brought in a water bottle that was sitting on the porch.

Lacey's yard? Yep, it was neat as a pin.

I saw inside her garage one day. It was organized.

I'm pretty sure their stylish SUVs resist dirt.

"Don't feel bad, Becca." You say. "It's probably because Lacey doesn't have kids."


She's got three.

"I'm sure her husband doesn't deploy."

You've got a point there. He's a B-1 guy. Everyone knows those guys don't do anything.

Actually he's deployed once since I've been here. And even during the deployment Lacey seemed all put together, her children's hair was combed, I never saw the cops at her house.

In fact, Lacey's always looking cute. --No, I don't hate her.

This morning for example, It's a MDO morning and as always I'm running late. I'm sitting here trying to think of why we were running late... hmm... I don't think I can blame any of it on the boys. That's unfortunate.

Turns out it was my lack of planning and prep that made us late. I run out the door to start the van. Come back in, remind Ty to put his shoes on. Run a bag of stuff out to the van, come back in, instruct the boys to get their backpacks and load up. Run back out to open the doors for the boys, come back in, take Austin out. Run back in, grab coats and diapers. Hop in the van, realize that I don't have my purse. Back to the house. Grab my purse, look at the apple quarter on the counter and decide I don't want it to go to waste. Head to the door. "Might as well take myself a jacket since I've got a free arm." I decide.

I tear out the door, slamming it behind me, one arm through my jacket, apple sticking out of my mouth, purse swinging wildly while I try to put the other arm in the coat.

Then... I look across the road and see Lacey.

Picture this for me:

Cute shoes, stylish jeans covered by her white woolen pea coat. Her blond (completely natural I'm sure) hair beautifully curled.


She wore cute sunglasses.

Really Lacey? You had time to think about sunglasses?

She carefully stepped out of her house, stopped to smell the roses then walked slowly around to the driver's side of her Sequoia.

I didn't stare.

I just waved hello with the arm that already had a coat on it, it was sticking up in the air anyway.


Anonymous said...

I laughed. Really hard. And since I have a cold it made me cough.
Sarah H.

Rebecca said...

I love your life.... it's kinda like mine, but wait I only have two so far and David never gets deployed... but I can never get out of the house with everything... but have friends who seem to do it with such ease!

Lacey said...

Oh, Becca... It's time you cross the street and see things as they truly are...!!!

Take that porch furniture for instance... the very same for which I began sanding and refinishing back in August - nearly everyday, for weeks...(still not sure WHAT I was thinking...) still not stained nor finished. And what prompted such an undertaking? A wonderfully artistic 6 year old who painted her name across it with caterpillar guts. (Who knew caterpillar blood was BLACK, and to be feared more than the dreaded Sharpie...)

And while I'll admit that my front yard was indeed tidy last night, you fail mention that it was also lit up like Kmart in leftover blue Christmas light glory.

Oh, and the cops have indeed visited my house... WITH my 4 year old in hand... 'jus sayin.

But the true comedy of it all were your observations of this morning... I nearly peed myself at the irony.

For it was MDO day for us as well, and we too, were running late. Why? Who really knows... could have been Noah's desire to wear his pants backwards today, and the ensuing meltdown justifying pocket accessibility. Or perhaps Zoe's last minute hair washing by means of a handful of baby wipes necessitated by her avant garde stylings a la oatmeal at the breakfast table.

But who am I kidding, I'm perfectly aware that I was the weak link today. For instead of showering and dressing, I chose to lay in bed in my PJs and read until the last minute, allowing myself 8 whole minutes to dress in yesterday's taco sauce stained jeans, throw a hat over yesterday's curls, double up on the deodorant, and rip apart my closet in search of a pair of boots big enough to contain my swollen left foot from last night's curtain hanging snafu.

And if it appeared as though I was smelling roses on the way to my car, you can be assured it just my evaluation of whether I did indeed remember to brush my teeth.

But the real kicker to all this...?

We make it to the MDO church at precisely 9:01, and discover that no one is there. For it's still Christmas Break till Tuesday... awesome.

Things are rarely as they appear, dear neighbor.

But don't think you'll ever see me outdoors without my sunglasses... truly a necessary appendage.