Friday, August 21, 2009


I went upstairs to write on my blog and didn't get very far when it started raining. Pouring. It made me think of Hannah, who can be found every time it rains --without fail, sitting on the back porch holding a coffee and a blanket.

So now I'm on the front porch sitting in my lounge chair typing on my iPhone. It is raining hard! It shouldn't surprise me though because weather bug said it wouldn't rain today. I checked the weather this morning also while on the front porch only then the sky overhead was clear. I could see thick black clouds in the northeast just as the first light of the morning was peeking over the houses on our street. Lightning was making one section of the clouds glow. I checked the weather and... no chance of rain. Hmm... Ok. Sure enough that cloud missed us, must have passed by east of Abilene.

It is barely sprinkling now. The boys are asleep and supper is in the crock pot. Things are calm, and I am calm. Usually on Fridays I am anxious for the weekend; excited to see Mike and ready
to have people over.

I feel very much at peace and content.

I'm coming off of several weeks of searching my brain to try and figure out how life (air force life) is going to work out: mike being able to spend enough time with the boys, me getting some QT with Mike, Instructor school housing arrangements, Mike getting to have a little free time, training a little boy who has been throwing some screaming fits.... I just didn't understand how it could all work out correctly. Has God called us to air force life? We believe He has. Has He called Mike to raise Christlike children? We believe He has. Do I need a little bit of time alone with Mike? I think so.

You get the picture? I have been frustrated and irritated that I couldn't see any way that our family would benefit from the conditions we seem to be in right now. And when would it end?

About a week ago it dawned on me that maybe I was trying to be god again, making the plans for us, "working out everything for the good." I wasn't doing so good. It's a big job to run your own (and your family's) life.

Sunday we were at RBC in G-town. Pastor Kevin preached on trusting God. I shot God a glance from the pew. I think He shot me one back. I took good notes. I wrote down the references to all the Scripture He used. I looked them all up later. But the main passage He used was Proverbs 3:5-6. It says, get this, it's great.

It says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own UNDERSTANDING. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." I

know, this is one of the verses everyone learns in 1st grade. I probably could have told you the verse if you'd asked me to quote it. I could quote it, but did I KNOW it?

All week I've been very intentional with my thoughts. I've prayed over and over for God to make me trust Him. "Do whatever you need to." I told Him. Those are dangerous words, I know; and I meant them. I don't want to halfway follow Christ. God promises peace and joy to those who trust and obey Him. I want peace and joy.

It has taken several days, but I now feel much less self-inflicted pressure. Ahh! It feels much better. This is probably just a taste of what God promises the man whose faith is in Him.

I hope I get it this time and don't have to learn how to trust God, again.

I hear springs creaking. That means someone in the next room is jumping on their bed --oh, I'm back upstairs now. Forgot to tell you that.

Need to go love on my babies now.


Updated: 20 minutes later

Every calm moment in a Mom's life is quickly followed by cleaning up whatever unauthorized mess was made during said calm moment. The longer your break and the more relaxed you are is directly correlated to the size of the mess and the depth of the trouble the kids are in now.

Case and point:

Remember I said they were supposed to be napping? Hope you people don't mind getting presents wrapped in wrinkly wrapping paper.


Lawson said...

Haha..... the directly correlated part is hilarious.

And so true about trusting the Father.... and what a SWEET verse—it's a shame that memorizing verses early on in life doesn't ensure that the Spirit will open our eyes to really see them. In fact, I think it makes us pass over them easily sometimes.

J Julian said...

hey becca. i feel the same way .. just with all the stuff thats going on at work, I feel like daniel and i are just stuck and not going anywhere. i'm really trying to just be patient, and try to realize that its not about what I want .. but its tough ..