Lawd have mercy!

Jack walks into the kitchen where I am pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"Mom, did you hear the toilet flush thirty seconds ago?"

"Yes."

Jack's eyes light up.  "That was me,"  he grins and then continues:  "I was practicing a sloosh!"

"A what?"  I ask.

"A SLOOSH."  He repeats, only a little louder and clearer this time.

"What's that?"

"It's when you put your head down and..."

"DID YOU PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE TOILET?!" I exclaim.  I'm genuinely shocked.  Shocked. Who would do this --to himself?  I wish I could have seen my face.  Surely my eyes were as big as the rim on my coffee cup.

My reaction causes him to quickly reevaluate whether or not this was a good idea.  He proceeds a little more cautiously:  "Only half-way."

"Ok, well... go wash your hands then go upstairs and get a shower."  -what else do you say here??

"I just washed my hands."  He holds out his hands for inspection.

The boy sticks his head in the toilet and flushes it, but makes sure to wash his hands.  I will never understand men.

"Is your hair wet?"

He feels the top of his head.  "No."

"Ok.  Never do that again.  And it's called a 'swirly.'"