Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What is love?

I really like people.

Having grown up in a family with 8 kids, 2 parents and usually a dog, I was trained to tollerate people.

Mom and Dad did more than just make us get along. They made us love each other. I remember HATING to have to hug my brother or my male cousin after getting into a spat with them. The more I showed my disgust, the longer we had to hug. Yuck. I'm not sure if that training tool paid off in the short term. When I think about that those times when I was forced to love, I wonder: "Does God do that to us?" Does he sit down with us and say: You hug that nasty smelly person. I don't care if you want to or not. Just sit there and hug until I tell you to get up. Maybe not literally hug them, but love them.

What is love? (I know, I know, luv is a verb.) Thank you D.C. Talk.

The way I have loved Mike the last 12 years has changed, I have gone through different phases. I think about the different steps love takes as it matures in a marriage. It is sweet. Love right now is a very deep love, more like a genuine concern. Right now, I don't feel like I have to hug his neck every second in order to "feel loved." I don't know if it is because we have been together for so long, or if I have matured in my walk with Christ and now do not need to "feel" loved by him in order to be fulfilled. Feelings are not always reality. Feelings lie to you. I don't want to feel love from Mike. I want to know that he loves me no matter how I feel. Does that make sense? And I do. I do know he loves me.

A couple of weeks ago, my dear friend, Rachel, was praying with me during a Sunday night service at church. She prayed that I would rely on God for my strength and that while Mike was away that I would "Fall in love with Jesus."

When she said, "Fall in love with Jesus." I first thought, "huh. that's wierd." Then I thought about what it would be like to fall in love with Jesus like you fall in love with a person.

So that's where I was for a week or so. What is it like to fall -head over heals in love with Jesus?
I've been praying that same prayer that Rachel prayed for me.

And I think it's happening!

Here's what it looks like so far.
I just want to praise God all the time.
I can't get enough of worship music.
I'm joyful.
I'm content.
I just want to be around people; I want to love them.
I'm still tired and busy and life is still work, but it isn't so hard to love my kids when they are being difficult.

It's very interesting. I'm trying to make sense out of my thoughts. I imagine myself having reached the next floor of my Christian walk. I'm picturing it like a tall building with many floors. You start on the ground floor when you get saved and have to climb up the stairs to reach the next level. Each level representing a deeper understanding of God where a little bit more of him is revealed. The more you climb (study, pray, rely, trust) the closer you get to the next level. I am not talking about earning salvation here, just learning more about God and experiencing the benefits that go along with it.

I feel like I have just stepped up to level three (not near the top).

But I'm getting closer!


mountain Momma said...

you've put it into words nicely. Isn't it wonderful to "fall in love" with Jesus! He is our bridegroom after all.

Nathaniel & Bethany Roszhart said...

This was such an encouragement to read! You have no idea! You are an inspiration, Becca! :) -Bethany

Cinda Boshart said...

Becca, thanks for sharing your heart! I, too, am encouraged. The last weeks have been so crazy and I'm afraid I've put the Lord aside instead of clinging, loving, and relying. Love you.