Monday, April 27, 2009

You'll never believe this


I am so thankful for this deployment.

Didn't think I'd say that did you?

It is usually at this point of the deployment that I start to realize what I have learned or am learning --what God is teaching me this time.

Tonight I was sitting on my porch listening to worship music on my phone. It dawned on me that I don't waste time any more. Ever.
I have a few hours at night that are mine to do with as I please. I have learned how to use them wisely. I rarely have that time set aside for any specific task. I like to keep it "free time" until the last moment when I actually spend it. Time with no purpose usually gets wasted. At least, for me, that is how it has been in the past. But now it's different. Now, my time with no purpose is spent on the first need that I see. examples would be emptying the dishwasher, picking up toys so the vacuum can clean (roomba) writing a letter, reading the Bible, watering plants, sitting on the porch, folding laundry.

Yes, I definitely see "sitting on the porch" as a need that needs to be met at times. -I call it rest. :-)

I have not been able to be disciplined enough in my life to not just plop down on the couch and watch TV till bed time.

I am so much more rested by having needs fulfilled than I ever was by watching tv.

I would not have conquered this without Mike leaving. God is so good to teach us things through hard times. I never learn anything when life is easy. I always learn when life is hard.

When things are hard I seek solutions. I stretch myself to fix things that are under my control -and often I do. I also petition God constantly to fix things that he is able to fix. I ask for wisdom as I see over and over again my shortcomings.

It's great. Every deployment it's like my eyes are opened to new things around me. I consider situations that I hadn't ever thought of, I am aware of issues I didn't know existed, I see new challenges in my sons lives. Every time I see how much much more there is that I don't know.

I'm humbled every time. I'm reminded how little I really do understand. I am thankful that God knows everything! My God just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I have also decided that I need to start praying daily for patience. I would be honored if you would join me. I find myself just irate and snapping over some little thing --it's about 5:00 in the afternoon usually and little things have been happening all day. I'm pretty impressed with myself that I can make it till 5:00 in the afternoon. That is 10 or so hours worth of little things done by little ones.

But it's not enough. I need at least 14 hours without snapping. Lets all pray toward that end. I need God's grace. Oh I need it. More and more. Every moment I'm awake.

I have always watched my parents give and give and give of themselves. Day after day. All they did was give to their children, their friends and church. Mom have free time? ha. Dad with a hobby besides being Mr. Fix It? I never saw it. Any hobby they had involved us - gardening, swimming, camping. I'm pretty sure their motives were not aimed inwardly.

I've always been asked if I would have as many children as Mom and Dad (8). I always smiled and shook my head, "Probably not. Mom and Dad are amazing. I couldn't do it."

Today I realize that my parents had learned how to give and to give joyfully. Most people never learn these lessons. I'm so thankful that God is teaching me to give of myself completely and to be completely content in it. I can't imagine myself doing this. It must be God.

I'm not there yet. I've got years left to learn this lesson. I've just started the course it's "Introduction to Giving it all" for you college people.

Man, I'm so glad we had this deployment. And I'm glad it got extended. I wouldn't have gotten it in just 2 months.

God is so good.

6 comments:

Mandy said...

I'll just add you in with my own prayers for patience, okay? And you can add me in with yours. :-)

beccaellis said...

deal.

Tammie Moore said...

Oh Becca, God is SO funny, because Mike is gone, we all have learned a few thing God is teaching you during this deployment, but I can say for myself the Holy Spirit has stuck a cord in my heart every time you write, and has helped me examine my life. So neat that we have fellowship with one another in tough times and that we can grow right along with you!

beccaellis said...

Tammie,

I am blessed to hear you say that! Nothing spurs me on like hearing how I have been used by God in your lives. Sometimes I feel like I'm hearing nothing and out of touch, but then someone will say something like that and I'm reminded about how important it is to be faithful even when I feel like I'm doing no good. Thank you Tammie!

Melene said...

So is this the answer to the question we both had awhile back-why we have to go through these deployments and time of separation in the first place? I'm happy for you and will pray for your patience. Your family is so blessed-as is your your church family!

Anonymous said...

Bec,
I would like to echo what a few others have said already. Your blog blesses me every time I read it. I am always excited when I see that I have missed a few posts--more to read!
My heart is always warmed, a peaceful smile on my face, and my eyes are often misty as I finish reading your latest posts.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We are better for it.
Em