Thursday, May 28, 2009

Been so long...

I know I just posted about an hour ago and on Monday I wrote about the kids eating the bread at church.

Really though, it had been days since you've heard anything thoughtful from me. Almost a week since I've written down what was on my heart. I've had some interesting emotions. It has been a different twist on an area I've been struggling in for 3-4 weeks now. One day maybe I'll share details. One day when this week will be no more familiar that any other week during a deployment.

I'm sitting here wondering where to go next with this post....

I don't want to tell everything to the entire world, but I want it all to come out so it will stop bothering me so much.

I will say this.

You never know how people feel in a situation unless you have been in that same situation. I'm realizing the benefit of trials. I see a little more clearly why God lets us go through hard things. Mike and I lost our first baby after 12 weeks of pregnancy. That started the hardest 8 months of my life --thus far. But through the grieving, the depression, the healing, the next pregnancy, I learned what loosing a baby looked like and all the emotions that go with it.

Now I know.

I know what to say to a friend who is going though it. I know what not to say. I know that they won't be over it in 3 months. I know lots and lots about it. Because I've done it.

The same is true with being a mom.

I never imagined it would be the job that it is. I didn't expect the fatigue. I didn't foresee the limits it would put on friendships. I never expected to put so much of myself aside and that taking care of my children would be --by far, my most important thought every moment I was awake. I never realized, even being around children all the time, how much a mother gives of herself. Even the mothers that aren't "supermom" --they give.

I wish younger people could understand, but I don't think they can.

I understand why a lot of moms listen to soft music. They like calmish music because they listen to so much racket all day long that their ears crave soothing noises. Am I right? It's not that they are just so uncool that they don't like rock. No. And being cool? If there was any time left over from serving their families, I'm sure they could keep up with the trends.

I like seeing the comments from moms that are past this stage. I like how they laugh at whatever horrible thing Jack has done and then they say "I remember those days!" It is a little bit relieving to see that someone else has been there.

Deployments? There aren't tons of people (that I know) who can say they've "been there, done that." There was a whole generation of the military that didn't really get deployed too often. Since 2001, lots of deployments have happened, but that has just been 8 years.

I wonder what else God is going to have me go through. What does he want to teach me about? I think trials serve two purposes, one, to refine you. Two, to teach you how to minister to others going though the same thing.

I wonder what else I will need to learn before God takes me off of deployment training.

Dang. I need a back rub. Should have enlisted Emily while she was here!

My sweet children are still awake. I need to go remind them that it's bed time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ironic how the young ones get sent away when the older ones would like to get sent away........